Nicholas Vetter

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Sad vs Depressed
Into each life a little rain must fall is a way of saying every one experiences sadness in life. It is the suchness of things. But some people feel something deeper and darker than sadness. They may feel this way despite there being no triggering event.
So how can we tell the difference between sadness and depression?
Sadness is a normal reaction to a difficult event in our life, e.g. a breakup, from losing a loved one or leaving our friends after graduation.
Depression affects our emotions and behavior. Also how we perceive the past, present, future and world. Depression does not require a triggering event.
When we’re depressed, nothing feels as enjoyable or worthwhile. We may feel numb.
Symptoms of Depression
To be diagnosed with depression, an individual must have at least five of the following symptoms for a two week period:
• An irritable or depressed mood
• A decreased interest in once enjoyable activities
• Changes in weight or appetite
• Changes in our sleep patterns
• Feeling a lack of energy and motivation
• Feeling hopeless/worthlessness
• Trouble concentrating
• Suicidal ideation or plan
If you or a loved one are feeling depressed, it is important to reach out for help from a trained mental health therapist, primary care doctor or psychiatrist. I would be happy to discuss some treatment options with you. Please give my office a call at 818-835-0779. I take Cigna, Aetna, Motion Picture Industry, Blue Shield, Optum, HMC, and Mutual of Omaha insurances. Cash price is $75. Per 50 min. session.

Effects of Child Abuse on Adult Survivors
Each year in this country millions of children are the victims of child abuse at the hands of parents, guardians and other adults. Whether this abuse is physical, sexual, verbal or emotional, it can leave scars on their heart and psyche for many years.
Here are just some of the long-term effects of child abuse on adult survivors:
Forming Healthy Bonds and Relationships
The lingering effects of childhood abuse make it very difficult to trust others and form normal, healthy connections. Survivors may find it particularly difficult to maintain successful romantic relationships as they may not be able to ever let their guard down and be truly vulnerable with their partner.
Developing Health Conditions
Childhood abuse can eventually take a toll on our physical health and wellbeing. In fact, an NIH study suggests that certain symptoms are common in abuse victims, particularly in women who experienced sexual abuse as a child. Symptoms range from back pain to eating disorders, nightmares, severe headaches and even fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.
A Lack of Confidence
All children should feel safe and secure growing up. In a normal, healthy childhood, a child can emotionally attach to one or more adults who make them feel safe and secure. But in a childhood where the individual suffered some form of abuse, they may never have been able to form trusting bonds with others. And a lack of these secure attachments can negatively impact our ability to interact with the world around us as adults.

How to Support Your Mental Health Between Sessions

It’s important to support the progress you’ve made with your therapist in between your sessions. Here is what I advise my own clients to do in between our sessions:

Keep Your A-ha Moments in Mind

It’s important to hold onto your A-ha moments in the days after your therapy session. Think more deeply about what was uncovered and see if any other pieces of information come to the surface. It’s a great idea to have a dedicated notebook to jot down anything that may come to you. Bring this with you to your next session so you can share your additional insights with your therapist.

Read

Ask your therapist to recommend some helpful books, or articles that may offer deeper insights into your issue. Reading about your issue is a great way to supplement your therapy sessions.

Journal

Research in the Journal of the American Medical Association states that journaling has both mental and physical benefits. Journaling not only helps to manage stress and reduce anxiety, but it also helps alleviate the symptoms of depression.

Try just one of these three activities and use your time in between sessions to facilitate further positive change.

How Counseling Can Help With Big Life Changes

There are only two things in life you can count on: death and taxes. A third is change.

Every person goes through changes and some of those changes can be significant. When graduating, starting a new job, moving to a new city, or ending a relationship, dealing with change can be stressful.

Here are some ways counseling can help with big life changes:

Managing Expectations
There’s the change itself, and adjusting after the change. We may feel stress when reality does not align with our expectations. Counseling can help you manage change.

A Positive Framework
Change means one door closes as another one opens. The unknown can make us feel depressed and anxious. A counselor can help you focus on the new opportunities ahead of you. This can improve your state of mind, and make the most of the current situation.

Self-Care
Counseling can remind us to make our physical and mental health a priority during a transition.

If you’d like to explore counseling further, please reach out to me. I’d be more than happy to answer any questions you may have.
Call 818-835-0779. $75 per 50 minute session. Virtual or in office.

Signs you Need to Take a Mental Health Day

Research from the American Psychological Association shows that today’s workforce is experiencing job burnout at alarming rates.

The good news is that taking a mental health day once in a while can absolutely help you cope with work-related stress. Mental health days are used to take a break from anything work related. These personal days are used to reset your mind by focusing on activities that rejuvenate and reenergize you.

Red flags that let you know you need a break:

You Feel Run Down

Stress and work can take a toll on your mind and body. If you’re feeling run down, take a break.

You Feel Angry More Often

Sometimes when overtaxed, we become angry far more easily and far more often. If you find you have been getting easily irritated, this is a sign it may be time for a mental health day.

You’re Having a Hard Time Focusing

When we’re stressed, our mental faculties take a hit and we can’t focus as easily. This makes it incredibly hard to get any work done. Which of course just makes us feel more stressed.

If you have been experiencing any of these signs, I encourage you to put your mental health first and take a mental health day. And if you would like to speak to someone about how you’re feeling, please reach out to me. I’m a great listener and have numerous tools for coping with stress that I can share with you.

Family Drama Around the Holidays

For many of us, spending time with family during the holidays is something straight out of a happy movie. But for others, from the stress of traveling, wrapping gifts, or the fact many family members can’t be in the same room with each other mean: holidays can be stressful!

Some simple ways you to deal with family drama:

Have Realistic Expectations

Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Acknowledge beforehand that there may be those moments that aren’t very pleasant and that’s okay. Life and families are messy. Recognize it, own it and be ok with it.

Set Your Boundaries

You are not helpless. You can set boundaries for what you will tolerate and what you won’t. This can be for simple things like what topics of discussion you will engage in to how long you will stay.

Use Good Judgement

When the holiday drama sets in, it’s easy to want to drink more or eat more processed foods. But do your best to not overindulge. Be kind to those around you. Don’t drink and drive.

When you participate in a family event you will find that it wasn’t so bad after all and the doing was better than the thinking about it.

If you’re feeling alone reach out to friends, or call 988 and chat with someone.

How to Deal with Loneliness Around the Holidays

If you are celebrating it alone this year, here are a few ways you can alleviate your sadness this Holiday Season.

Give Yourself a Break

Loneliness is not an indication that you’re doing anything wrong or that there is something wrong and unlovable about you.

Even people that are in relationships can feel incredibly lonely. Loneliness affects everyone at some point in their life.

Take Yourself on a Date

This Holiday, if you find yourself a party of one, order in or make your favorite food and watch your favorite movie.

Take a nice long bath. Listen to your favorite music. Buy yourself a little gift, update the wardrobe, or go window-shopping.

Show Your Love for Others

This is a great time to show your affection and appreciation for the wonderful people in your life. Get your best friend a box of chocolates or your mom a bouquet of flowers. Call a friend or family member. Volunteer in charity work, engage with your religious community.

You can be filled with love by being loved, and you can be filled with love by loving and engaging with others. If you find yourself in despair and feeling alone reach out to a local hotline and ask for help.